Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Burrito Reviews: The Force Unleashed

I remember there was a time I said I'd be reviewing Super Smash Bros. Brawl.... yeah that fell apart but it's all good because I'm flexing my reviewing muscles, testing my keyboard's might against a game I wanted to play ever since hearing about it a couple of years back. That game is LucasArts possible hurrah(other than Fracture but don't get me started on that game.), Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.




Things I Loved:

I loved a lot of things about The Force Unleashed. I'd put them in a list form, but I'm trying really hard not to bite any other site's style. The thing I loved the most about the game was obviously it's story. I feel people resort to being idiots whenever they speak about episodes 1-3. Yeah okay the first sucked big time, but hey I feel Lucas made up for that one with the other two. Say what you want, but it's his story, you can't go tell a man he's telling his story wrong. When you write something and other people like it
and you want to take it in another direction, see how many people tell you off and you'll get the idea of how he must feel. Enough of that tangent though, TFU tells a very... well let me put it this way, the game, comic, and book tell a very complete story that expertly ties together the threads of the first three with the other first three. (Never EVER told in-game so SPOILER) Galen Marek is a very likeable character as are the others involved in the story. The enviornments, sounds, look, and feel of the game are ripped right from the universe of Star Wars and never once are you doing or seeing something that feels out of place... well perhaps Starkiller shows a renowned power and sense of the force, but it flows very well for a game.



Another big thing the game pulls off is the feeling of the force. This was something I remarked upon to my friends when I first played the demo. The game gives you a very visceral feel of the force, of being a sith. I expected it to feel like being Dante or Nero, yeah you can do all types of flying and crazy stuff, but deep down you don't get a feel for what it is you do. This game gives you the same feeling playing as Kratos gives, a visceral feel of death and destruction. When you can walk into a room and blow everyone away, you realize you feel powerful and not simply controlling someone who is.


Things I Hated:

I'd never call a game perfect and trust me when I say The Force Unleashed is nowhere near it. The game, having come out in a box and one I payed money for mind you, is full of bugs, glitches, and scallywags. For every smart enemy I see, there are a handful simply stuck in a hiding animation behind something I threw off the level some minutes ago. One can find several invisible barriers that come out of nowhere, as if saying you haven't jumped in a while, don't let that button not get used. It's easy to pull off a combo and go flying through the level to your death, as well one can find themselves stuck in a standing animation, unable to move.



For a game called The Force Unleashed, it leaves a lot to the imagination when it comes to the term in the game. I said how much I loved the feeling the force gave you, but that's really only in certain times. The idea of force grabbing is a novel idea for solving puzzles, but it's application in fighting is lacking. Forced to stand still while you move something around with nary any bit of real accuracy and you'll find yourself a swiss cheese and laser sandwhich in no time. And speaking of those on the other ends of those blasters, where in the world did the Emperor find force fields that can block the force? Oh I get it, Force Field... no if that is the pun that describes this event I'd break my copy of this game. Where are all of these Storm Troopers when Luke becomes a Jedi?


But to Conclude:

Despite the tongue lashing I just gave the game, I still find it incredibly fun. I've played through twice and am currently on my third and fourth play through on two different difficulty levels. For a GoW clone, it does a good job of trying to seperate itself. Despite it's gameplay and camera flaws, the lure of being a Jedi is indeed great. Come for the story, stay for the fun.


Don't own the copyrights we all know that jazz, upps to Lucasarts for that one. Availiable on anything that plays video games... sure I saw it out on the Colecovision.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Hey You Consumer: Top Consumer Wrongdoings



Long time no see. I thought I would do this little list which is in no order. Originally it was going to be a top 1, but I wasn't sure if I would either have too many or not enough. Having been in retail all my working life, I've come across many a customer, and I'm certain lists like this exists, but it's my blog so I can write what I like.

"This costs how much?"
-This one I just don't understand. Especially now with the economy the way it is, why in the world would you think everything would be cheap? No ink doesn't cost a few bucks. No you can't get a laptop at 200 dollars. Printers aren't 50 bucks and webcam isn't 99cents. I know you came into the store to spend money, so don't look at me like an idiot because you're paying for it regardless, I'm not lowering the price of toner because you didn't think it cost so much.

"Well I'm never coming back here again!"
-Thank you! That's really what I want to say when you tell me that, because that means I don;t have to put up with you ever again. You seem to leave thinking I've been the unpleasant one, but when you come at me with an attitude and a largely intentional decision not to hear me out, understand that YOU are being the unpleasant one. YOU are the person we laugh at when you leave. YOU are the jackass the other customers are glad is gone when you slip through the doors. They aren't ever backing you up because they see that you are being the unreasonable one. And besides, this ain't an election, companies don't give a rat's ass about a single person's dollar.

"Can you help me find X, Y, zzzzzzzz "
-I generally like helping people when they genuinely need it. Don't understand all this new-fangled technology, I'll gladly help you. But don't ask me where something is when you clearly know where it is and have indeed come out of said aisle to ask me about it. Sure you make up the lie about not having seen it, but be honest with yourself, did you really just want to make conversation with me? I honestly had a lady, when I worked at Hell-Hole..eh I mean Wal-Mart, ask me where light bulbs were when we were standing directly next to them. That's not being thick, that has got to be being lonely.

"I've done the research and "
-Blah blah blah. You haven't done the research, you're making up a list of bullshit and expecting me to complete the bullshit circle to sell you something for either a lower price or a better deal. Working at Staples, I get more "Pro's" come in and bullshit me about how they researched all the HP printers and... look, I know you haven't, had you done so, you may have come in with some papers. I'm tired of the "I did some research online, and it seems you don't have the model number here... oh dear me I've forgotten it, 4o something" That tells me you didn't and you tried to come up with a number by looking at the nearby numbers. Then you attempt to tell me its the model between the two on display and that's the one you want. Only for me to potentially embarrass you around your kids or other customers by calling you out on it and letting you know that there is no model number in between.

"Plan? No thanks, if it breaks I'll just by another"
-That's a dumb and irrational philosophy to go about in life. Working again at Staples, we're not forced, but encouraged to offer protection and replacement plans on our electronics. That would save you the hassle of having to buy something all over again. I repeat, that would save you the hassle of having to by something ALL OVER AGAIN. I don't know what ballin' world you live in where you can blow 300 bucks on printers all the damn time, but I know if I'm putting that money down on something, I'd spend an extra forty to insure I don't have to spend 300 all over again. It's my belief customers think we as a business try to get them on everything and they think they're being the smart ones... yeah right.

-I'd give this one a line above it, but no customer has verbally told me they believe they're the right one because "The customer is always right". Truth is that is some bullshit. You customer are not always right. Thankfully you aren't because stores would be scary places. You always have your best intentions in mind and not the intentions of everyone who comes into the store. I've had customers who heard I was putting something on hold for someone try and coerce me to give it to them instead. Very very greedy customer, very very greedy.

"Do you have it in the back?/Could you check the back?"
-I honestly wish customers never learned of the back room. I'm not entirely sure what you think the back is, but I can tell you what it isn't. The back room is not a magical wonderland where fairies, pixies, and satyrs hand me exactly what it was you are asking for. It isn't a world of perfect harmony where I simply think up what you want and it appears. The real deal? The place is a messy maze of pallets, boxes, and plastic. Even on a good day it is impossible to tell one thing from the other and if what you want is back there? I'm not about to waste 20 minutes diving through a pallet of shit to find what you want when other stores exist, that buck of yours is not powerful enough to have me doing that. Half the time the shit is right above you anyway, just look up.

"Will you sell me the display for a discount?"
-Number one at Staples, and typically Office Depot. We don't do discounts on shit that is out already. We'd clearly be losing money on that proposition, so no it doesn't exist, go to Wal-Mart for that crap. Number two, why the hell would you want something that has been in a store, out on display for all order of people to touch, poke, prod, and possibly have already broken? It has no box and typically comes with what you see which is nothing so why bother? You bother because you think you're getting it half off and then are all sad and pissy when I tell you we don't. Even if we took money off, WHY would you want it? It may function, but not at the zenith of it's potential like it did when it was new? I wouldn't want to sit in a chair every ass in the town has had to have sitten in. I wouldn't want a printer techs have been printing demos on for months before now.

"I'm looking for this thing, if you show me where it is I'll remember it."
-There's actually two different categories with this one. The first one goes out to everyone who thinks they can play charades and perfectly explain to me something they have only half an idea of what it is. I'm not Google, don't go about giving me dimensions like I know exactly what the hell you're talking about. Don't go about telling me it's like this but not this, when either it clearly is what I've shown you or something completely different. A lady gave me dimensions of a safe and she wanted a file folder. The second part typically involves not remembering what you wanted, but expecting there to be some amazing list of pictures you can look through to jog your memory. It doesn't and has never existed. Don't remember that printer for your ink? Too bad, go home and come back, because I can't go off of "it's one of the older models". I'm not clairvoyant, I can't guess what printer it is based off of that.

And lastly
-The Easy Button is not fun, it's not funny, and it's not useful. Had an old lady harrass me, claiming that on a commercial the Easy Button made things cheaper. It doesn't, and if one more kid comes in there and hits that button till it's about to break, I'm gonna break it and then break them. It's almost like having someone come up to your ear and shout "HIT ME" twenty times in a row, but you can't because they're incased in armor.